The 20 minute guide to getting ready….

Although I was up bright and early this morning, having faffed around and having completed a Joe Wicks workout, I left myself with only 20 minutes to get showered, dressed and breakfasted before needing to leave the house to take the youngest to gym. As I was going to be sitting watching her for an hour and a half, and given that I was a sweaty and disgusting mess, there really were no short cuts So here’s an outline of my thought processes, how it all went and where I saved the time….


“Great” I think to myself. “We can both have a bowl of cereal. That’s the quickest breakfast ever and much quicker than toast.” I make a bowl of cereal consisting of oats, shreddies, bran flakes, nuts and sunflower seeds. Daughter refuses cereal and I have to cook toast. Annoy myself by turning toaster to maximum to make it cook quicker (hate it when the older kids do that). It doesn’t work. Time wasted: 3 minutes.

Carry bowl of half eaten cereal upstairs whilst simultaneously trying to check instagram. Realise said bowl of cereal is about to be dropped so stop trying to multi-task and feel very smug that disaster has been averted. Pat on head as have saved myself at least 5 minutes of clearing up. Realise smugness is mis-placed. I am 46 and should know better.

Invite youngest to follow me upstairs to eat her toast in our room (excellent parenting). When she asks where to sit I suggest on her Dad’s side of the bed (I’m an excellent wife too.) Time saved zero but at least I won’t be sleeping on crumbs.

Get in shower and whilst it’s warming up, decide to use oil cleanser in the shower rather than using it standing at the basin afterwards. Decide this would all be a good idea for a blog post. Consider cleaning teeth in shower too as per Chris Evans. Decide that’s gross. Time saved cleansing in shower , 1 minute. Time wasted cleaning teeth separately 3 minutes. I’m another 2 minutes down.

Go straight to conditioner rather than shampooing too. Time saved 3 minutes. I’m clawing back those minutes.

Whilst in shower, plan outfit. Think exactly which underwear I want and where it is, along with jeans, shirt, shoes and bag – plus which reading material I want to take with me too. How organised?

Can’t find the jeans I want. Put on these Whistles ones which were previously tight but which miraculously now fit. Time wasted 1 minute but pleased that jeans can now be worn.

Find the shirt. Put it on. Decide I need a vest. Take it off and put vest on. Vest too high at the front. Take vest off. Complete waste of time. Convince myself I’ll be warm enough. I wasn’t. Time wasted, 2 minutes.

Time for the make-up. Can’t skimp on foundation, blusher, mascara or lipstick but do it in record time. Eyes get a swoosh of shadow and only eyeliner on the bottom lid. Realise that some of make-up from the night before is still smudged under eyes. No time to remove it. Decide I’ll pass it off as a smoky eyed look. Time saved – 30 seconds.

Blast hair with dryer but largely at the front only. I can’t see the back so who cares? Dispense with the idea of hair product. Seriously look like a dog’s dinner but at least I don’t smell.  Time saved – 5 minutes.

Decide not to bother with stopping at newsagents for paper. Will read the bits from last week that I still haven’t read. Time saved – 3 minutes.

Delighted that I have 2 minutes left before we have to go. Do Olga Korbut’s hair. Fill water bottles for both of us. Have time to put on new Air and Grace shoes and tie them up. Find car keys. Get in car.

Arrive at gym exactly as Old Joe chimes 9 am. Get daughter into gym. Find a seat, sit down. Phew that wasn’t so bad after all. Get my newspaper and new book out. The water bottle has leaked and both are saturated. Bollocks. Oh well at least we weren’t late.


1 Comment

  1. Julie Garvey
    June 15, 2017 / 6:25 pm

    Brilliant, this is so funny, love it.

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